Parenting

The American pedagogue Benjamin Spock published in 1945 a voluminous book on the education of children, introducing the principle that repression of children can cause catastrophic neuroses in adulthood. Spock advises parents not to scold, let alone punish children in their tantrums, because they will only frustrate them. Today, this doctrine -in a society that calls itself Christian- has become more authoritative than the Bible.

But what do the Scriptures tell us about this matter? The key to the biblical teaching on parenting is Ephesians 6:4: "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord".

The book of Proverbs speaks of discipline. "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (22:15). This is a categorical statement: There is folly in the heart of a child! "He that withholdeth chastisement abhorreth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him early" (Prov. 13:24). "Punish your son while there is hope" (19:18). The latter implies that delayed discipline is useless. "Do not refuse to correct the boy, for if you chastise him with a rod, he will not die. You shall chasten him with the rod, and deliver his soul from Sheol" (Prov. 23:13-14).

Modern pedagogy advises that children should not be punished, so as not to damage their self-esteem, or because they may become rebellious. But Scripture exhorts believing parents to correct the child. There is an assumption that it is a sign of love for children to let them do what they want. However, the Scripture says that he who does not chasten his son hates him, and he who loves him corrects him from an early age. Moreover, the Lord himself proceeds in this way with his children (Prov. 3:12, Heb. 12:5-6).

Discipline, however, must have a restraint, for it is from the Lord. Proverbs 19:18 says: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, but let not thy soul make haste to destroy him". In correcting our children, we can overdo it; discipline can be used merely as an outlet for pent-up anger. However, we must discipline. The restraint will be our love, and the Holy Spirit, who has given us self-control (2 Tim. 1:7).

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). Just as discipline should be applied to children from a young age, so should instruction or admonition. The tender teaching of the mother, first; then that of the father, a little more firmly; the permanent instruction of both, on all occasions and at all times, will remain indelible in the heart of the child. The boy may stray for a time, but finally he will return to the channel marked in his heart by the true Word. Instruction is not without discipline, nor discipline without instruction. As in all things of God, here also the balance is fundamental.

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