LIVING WATERS
For the proclamation of the Gospel and the edification of the Body of Christ
The Cross in Marriage
There are two environments where the cross of Christ is more than a doctrine: one is marriage and the other is the church. Naturally, it is much easier to accept that the cross is present in the church; but in marriage, how?
What does the cross mean? The meaning of the cross is very well reflected in the words of the Lord in Gethsemane. He lived the cross there even before going to the physical cross: "Not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). The cross is denying oneself so that God's will may be done. And, in a more general sense, the cross is to deny oneself for the sake of the other.
At the very moment of the act of marriage, each spouse receives into his or her heart the other person, to become one with him or her. Until now he (or she) was accustomed to think of himself (or herself), to decide in the singular, and to seek his (or her) own good. But now everything changes, everything must be thought and decided in the plural, but in unity, because the two are now the unity.
This is the first step on the way of the cross. Then many others will follow, in every moment of daily life. Everything in a normal marriage is marked by the cross. This is why Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, admits that the married person has a very different reality from the single person. While the single man is concerned with the things of the Lord, with how to please him, the married man is concerned with the things of the world, with how to please his wife. Paul admits it, he does not reconvince it.
That is precisely why Paul in that chapter presents celibacy -his own reality- as the best option to serve the Lord. That is why he advises widows to remain single, because that way they will be happier. They will have more freedom to serve the Lord, and their burden will be less heavy. Why more blessed? Because marriage is a restriction of self for the good of the other, it is a permanent exercise of the operation of the cross of Christ.
This is also applicable to the situation of a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever. The believer must deny himself for the sake of the salvation of the other. Sometimes he must endure pain and tribulations, accept injustice and be silent in the expectation of the Lord's vindication. All this is also an expression of the cross of Christ.
However, Paul goes even further, to the realm of intimate life, of sexual life. And then he states that each spouse is to look to the good of the other and not to his or her own. Not personal gratification, but that of the other.
When the Jews heard from the Lord the conditions of Christian marriage, they said: "If this is the condition of the man with the woman, it is not fitting to marry" (Matt. 19:10). Of course, for them it meant a retrogression in their rights. Moses had allowed them to repudiate, and the Lord rejects that possibility. And with this, the Lord establishes marriage as an instance where the cross operates in a profound and effective way.
As a result of this operation, the spouses will be transformed into the likeness of Christ. Their souls, previously self-absorbed and self-centered, will begin to live, in practical reality, the generosity and love of Christ.