Instructing With Fear

About the necessity of instructing children in the way, but waiting on the grace of God.

Cesar Albino

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). "Except Jehovah build the house, They labor in vain that build it" (Psalm 127:1a).

In the New Testament, in 2nd Timothy 1:5, and 3:14-16, we are told of a young man called Timothy who was instructed in the ways of the Lord since a young age. This boy became a very useful servant in the work of the Lord. It is said that he ended up doing the work in the same way as the apostle Paul (1st Corinthians 16:10).

Surprisingly, we find that he was not instructed by his father, but by other people: his grandmother Lois and his mother, Eunice. Timothy didn't have the parental example in which to follow their footsteps in the service, but he had his mother and his grandmother who instructed him in the ways of God.

When children love the world

This is a wonderful testimony of how a good spiritual education from childhood produces a beautiful result. However, a good upbringing doesn't always produce the fruits that are hoped for.

In 1 Samuel 3:19-20, the Scripture gives very good testimony of Samuel: " And Samuel grew, and Jehovah was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan even to Beer-sheba knew that Samuel was established to be a prophet of Jehovah. ". But in 1 Samuel 8:1-5 it says that Samuel's children -notice, it doesn't say his child, but Samuel's children-"walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted justice ". Here we see a father who served God and had a beautiful responsibility in the house of the Lord, as a priest and a judge of Israel, but whose children acted wickedly.

In the same way, in 2 Kings 22:1-2 it says that Josiah " did that which was right in the eyes of Jehovah, and walked in all the way of David his father, and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left. ". However, it says that his son Joacaz, " he did that which was evil in the sight of Jehovah, according to all that his fathers had done. " (2 Kings 23:32).

Many believing parents are today living in the same situation. They have consecrated themselves to serving the Lord, but they have children who love the world. They wonder: why is my son like this if we have always guided him in the good way? We have taught him the fear of the Lord, we instruct him, we admonish, we discipline and we love him. They don't find an answer. They have tried to avoid falling into Eli the priest's error who didn't hinder his children's wicked behavior, because of which judgment came upon his family. (1 Samuel 2:12-36). However, they don't have an answer.

The confusion becomes greater when they see the other side of the coin, that is to say, parents who are not consecrated, but whose children are loving the Lord, and who sustain and sanctify the Lord in their homes.

The causes may be many and varied, but perhaps some of these could help to explain it: There are parents who, in their desire to be good parents, spoil their children excessively from childhood and never discipline them; they think that it is enough to speak with them, and are ambiguous. The children perceive this and take advantage of it. Perhaps they never taught them this responsibility or respect; they were not taught to ask for forgiveness when they committed a mistake. They always subtly got what they wanted.

They must also be born again

But be it that we spoil them in excess, or that we are severe with them, the first thing that we must make sure of is that they have been born again. We must endeavor to see that from a young age they give their heart to the Lord. If this has not happened, if it is not an authentic experience, all the parents' efforts to produce changes will be useless.

If this has not still happened, we must begin right now to pray, asking God that our children may have a personal encounter with the Lord. They have to feel a conviction of sin at some moment and the necessity of repenting, independently of whether they are being instructed in the ways of the Lord.

We didn't believe that our children are converted simply because they accompany us to the meetings and learn biblical lessons. Although they belong to the Lord because of His promise; it is nevertheless necessary that they have a personal encounter with the Lord, and sooner rather than later, otherwise we will see them first go into the world. We have to pray for them. We cannot generate the new birth in them. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal Christ.

Wounds inflicted upon the children

But even being been born again, it is still possible that the children may have difficulties in walking in the ways of the Lord because there are wounds in their hearts, either because of the parents or the pastors in the church. Parents who have disciplined their children in an unjust manner are an example. We are sometimes too quick to react, and there is no wisdom in this. All parents are prone to correct their children mistakenly, and when this happens, it causes wounds in the heart. It may also be the case that they don't have the grace and the peace to speak with them, but rather they quickly lose their temper and raise the authoritarian voice, and the children must only keep silent.

It is also probable that the parents have not offered them their attention, their time, their affection, when the children most need it. They didn't worry about, or realize when the child was suffering from fears, some complex, or solitude, etc.

It is also possible that they are intolerant when the children ask permission for something, and they unnecessarily prohibit something that the children like a lot. You can also wound their hearts by being legalistic in spiritual things, and saturating them with biblical texts, teachings and obligations that often the parents themselves cannot fulfill. And they see an inconsistent behavior in their parents concerning what they demand.

It is commonplace that parents don't dare to ask for forgiveness from their children when they have made a mistake in some area, and they only demand subjection and blind obedience.

Parents, we are living days of afflictions in the family. It is ever more necessary that the parents turn to their children so that they too turn to their parents. The prophetic message of Elijah or John the Baptist has to find its place among the family (Luke 1:17).

Restoring the heart

If we examine Elijah's prophetic message, we will see that it is the parents who must first turn their hearts to their children. They have to take the initiative, to create instances of communion, to ask them for forgiveness, truly acknowledging in their heart that have offended them. To say, for example: "Son, I know that I have offended you, and I am sorry. Son, I ask you for forgiveness". In order to restore that damage it is crucial to be humble, to first repent before the Lord, and to ask for the grace to face the situation. Many times, this type of attitude in a father is enough to heal the child's heart.

The parents need grace

Given our human weakness, it is common for parents to place a lot of trust in what they can do in the upbringing of the children: in their teachings, in their prayers, in the admonishment and discipline, in the family meetings and biblical texts. This, without a doubt is very useful. But it may be the case that, because of this, we become very self-righteousness, and end up thinking that by doing all these things, our children should be the best, the most spiritual.

However, we still need the grace of God. He, in His sovereignty sometimes allows us to live adverse situations with our children, because He wants to cleanse us of our self-righteousness and our self-confidence. He wants to show us that without Him we are nothing, that it is not because of our faithfulness as parents that our children are faithful, but only because He is a good, merciful and faithful God.

The Lord builds the house

" Except Jehovah build the house, They labor in vain that build it: Except Jehovah keep the city, The watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To take rest late, To eat the bread of toil; For so he giveth unto his beloved sleep " (Psalm 127:1-2). If the Lord doesn't work with our children and with us as a family, all the very well intentioned sacrifices will be in vain.

But in this same Psalm, in verse 3, there is an encouraging promise: " Lo, children are a heritage of Jehovah; And the fruit of the womb is his reward...". We stand fast in this, brothers and sisters. Having mercy and preserving our children is in His hands. We rejoice because they belong to the Lord: " For to you is the promise, and to your children..." (Acts 2:39).

Brothers and sisters, whatever our reality with our children may be, let us only wait on His mercy and His faithfulness. Parents who have consecrated children should remain humble and grateful to the Lord, knowing that it is not only because of our dedication, but because God is good and His mercy endures forever. And for the parents who are suffering, commend your cause to the Lord, not losing faith nor hope in Him, with a humble and sincere prayer.

Let us learn from the heart of David in 2 Samuel 16:12: " It may be that Jehovah will look on the wrong done unto me, and that Jehovah will requite me good for his cursing of me this day...", and of Hannah's prayer in 1 Samuel 1:11: " O Jehovah of hosts if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thy handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thy handmaid, but wilt give unto thy handmaid a man-child, then I will give him unto Jehovah all the days of his life ".

May the Lord have mercy on us and turn our hearts back to our children.

Copyright © AGUAS VIVAS | CHILE 2005