LIVING WATERS
For the proclamation of the Gospel and the edification of the Body of Christ
The Order of God for Marriage
Wives
Marriage is preparation and education for the Kingdom of God.
Larry Christenson
A great part of marital problems are due to the fact that God's assigned order is violated by each of the believing spouses. The influence of the world, an incorrect parental model, the deformities of our own character, and a lack of solid biblical teaching have time and again hindered the harmony of the family. Faced with this, the only thing we have left to look to is the Lord and the pure teaching of the Word of God.
The first thing that we should make clear is that God designed marriage; therefore, only he can teach us about how it should work. God has assigned a certain role to each of the spouses. To ignore them, or to try to substitute them, is just inviting marital failure.
The husband has one role and the wife has another, according to the physical, psychological and spiritual nature of each one. The profile each of these does not depend on fashion, on ideology or theory, but on the design of God.
1. God's order for the wife
The wife's place in marriage is representative of something that transcends her, which is found in God. The wife's role, just like marriage itself will only therefore have meaning within its context of divine revelation.
The Bible says: "the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man" (1ª Corinthians 11:3) which puts the woman in a subordinate place, not as regards to her condition as a woman however, but rather as a reflection of the position that the Church has regarding Christ.
This position doesn't mean that the woman is inferior to the male, but rather that it was designed for the woman's protection and for harmony in the home. God doesn't honor those who cling to their supposed "rights", but to those who freely choose to obey him.
2. The reason for being the wife
A. The beauty of submission
The wife was created so that she could be the suitable helper for her husband. She thereby expressed the beauty of the church that is subordinate and subject to Christ. This submission represents a great gain for her, because she is protected through this.
The woman is physically, emotionally and spiritually disadvantaged, and is also very exposed, and that's why she needs the security and protection that the husband offers her.
a) On a physical level. This is seen by the woman's greater fragility that prevents her from carrying out certain physically demanding works.
b) On an emotional level (psychological). The woman was not designed to face the rigors of life, to solve family crises, or big decision making. She can of course do so if forced to (because it is not matter of capacity), but this won't be without its own consequences for her emotional health.
c) On a spiritual level. The woman is exposed to spiritual attack. Larry Christenson, in his book "The Christian Family" affirms that: "A woman who is not protected by her husband's authority is exposed to wicked angelic influence". On the other hand- he adds-, "when a woman lives under the husband's authority, she can move with great freedom in spiritual things".
B. A Model
The woman, as a subordinate and submissive wife, is a representation of the church in its subjection to Christ, but she is also a model for those who don't know the church, in a world where not a lot is known about the spiritual background of marriage. That is to say, she has the church as her model, but at the same time she is a model so that others can see what the church in its relationship with Christ is like.
A close relationship exists between the local church and the wife. If the local church subjects itself to Christ, it will give the wives a model to imitate; but if does not, the compassionate wives are called to show what the local church should be like regarding Christ in their own marriage.
The woman's submission must not be a forced or hypocritical practice, but the fruit of a willing heart which, in fear and trembling, looks to please the Lord.
3. The rupture of the order
The rupture of the order of God within the family often takes place because the wife, be it by herself or by mutual agreement with the husband, takes the husband's place as 'head '. This causes a confusion of roles. Christenson says: "When the husband refuses his responsibility as head of his home, or when the wife usurps it, the home suffers the consequences".
In many cases, the rupture of the order is influenced by the "feminization" of the culture, causing the wife to exchange her role to a similar one as the husband, or even assuming his role in the headship of the home.
4. Causes among wives for this rupture of the order of God
a) Ignorance. A lack of instruction in the Word. She wants to obey and to please the Lord, but she doesn't know how.
b) Incorrect family Models (or social) She comes from a home where the woman was dominant, or where she herself was the center of attention in the family (only daughter, daughter raised with grandparents, spoilt daughter). She could especially develop whims because of intelligence or beauty, for example.
c) Overly Esteemed. The wife with a high self-esteem will tend to dominate her husband. Mainly when she is more intelligent, more skilled, more talkative, of a stronger character, more successful in her work, a family considered to be of a higher social class, etc.
d) Rebelliousness. She believes that he is not a man worthy of admiration nor respect. She thinks that she made a mistake when accepting him as her husband, or that God made a mistake when giving him to her. Perhaps her youth was full of fond memories, of 'good' men that she rejected. Perhaps she considers to have squandered (and to be squandering) her time with a similar husband.
5. Immediate consequences in the home
a) Disagreements. Disagreements are the consequence of wounded pride. A rebellious woman feels permanently affected in her self-esteem. Her reactions are violent words and attitudes. She may cause a dispute for almost any reason. He, to begin within, gives in so as to avoid a clash with his wife but finally gets tired, and responds. The home becomes a battle field in which the hurtful words are fired around looking for a target. "The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping" (Prov. 19:13b). "A Continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike, Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. " (Prov. 27:15-16). "Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman." (Prov. 21:9 and 25:24). "Better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman." (Prov. 21:19). In this type of atmosphere, the children are unhappy witnesses of these battles of insults, and they will receive the consequences.
b) Inattentive. The husband is thought not to be worthy of the woman's attention. If she tends to him, it will be with indifference. She will constantly look for (and will find) a way of avoiding it, and of not carrying out her marital duty.
c) Manipulation to obtain control. Using arguments, scorn, her own children, and many other resources she will place such a burden on the husband that he will only want peace. And the price of that peace can be the headship of the household. Result: a reversing of roles takes place. The husband can end up being barely more than another of the children. The matriarchy has sometimes become established like this. She may now be happy, the husband resigned, but what about the Lord?
6. Mediate consequences
a) Deformation of the character. The woman will lose her fineness and femininity. She will unconsciously adopt a form of speaking and of expressing herself in an authoritarian and inappropriate way for a woman.
b) Spiritual Attack. The first consequence of being without a covering is to be deceived. Eve was deceived when she acted without her husband (2 Timothy 2:14). She will find that all is proceeding well, even though it clearly goes against the Word of God. She won't want to recognize her error. Consequently, she will receive spiritual attacks that will affect her state of health, permanently suffering sudden migraines, she will have abrupt changes of emotion and depressions.
c) Confusion of sexual roles (among the children). Faced with such a show, if the children end up being mature adults with normal behavior patterns, it will be a miracle. What model has the father offered the son? What model has the mother has offered the daughter? They will probably also have difficulties in their own marriages. There are studies that show alarming results: this confusion of roles has caused incidences of homosexuality.
d) Uselessness in the work of God. A woman who is outside her husband's covering won't be able to serve God (although she may do things for God). Despite her many efforts, they won't be worth anything. God doesn't stand for anything that goes outside His model and of the order that he has set down.
7. Solution: to reestablish the order of God. How?
a) A repenting heart. The woman will repent before God for breaking or trying to break the order set down by Him for marriage. Then she will decide to modify her behavior according to the light received.
b) Accepting that the order of God was designed for her own good and that of the marriage. The wife will give back the control of the home and occupy the place of submission and dependence that God prescribed her. That may be an inconvenience to begin with, but in the long run it will bring rest and peace to her heart.
c) Believing, by the light of the Word of God that man was not created for woman, but woman for man.
d) Accepting that the husband that she has was not chosen by her but rather was given to her by God. Certainly God made no mistakes in giving her the husband that she has.