Where Are You?

The husband's responsibility toward Christ and toward his wife.

Marcelo Díaz

"Where are you?" ... This was the first question that God asked man after the fall. Until that moment everything went well, because creation was harmoniously adjusted to that which was devised by God. Man and his wife enjoyed a pleasing and calm specially prepared atmosphere so that man would eat from the tree of Life. But tragedy occurred. Without knowing how, the woman was involved in a deceiving conversation with the serpent, the one who, with his cunning, was able to introduce the seed of the doubt, greed, independence and unbelief in the woman's mind. Thus they ate of the tree from which they had been ordered to abstain. In that moment sin entered, and everything, absolutely everything, was transformed. All that existed began to receive an overturn in its order; the main link had been altered and everything began to change. What a travesty, what a sad scene! With a single mouthful, the whole creation became subject to the most extreme slavery (Rom. 8:20, 21).

Amid the confusion, the Scriptures say: "Then the Lord God called to Adam, and said to him, "Where are you?" (Gen. 3:9) Is God perhaps not omniscient? Didn't God know where the man was hidden? ... Of course He did. God referred to man's quality deposited in Adam. What does this mean? That in that moment Adam was not hidden among the trees of the orchard, but under his wife's government. Since later on He tells him: "Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you saying: you shall not eat of it; Cursed is the ground for your sake..." (Gen. 3:17). Adam was not being a true male.

Man's double responsibility

In the order of God, the male occupies a location of vital importance. When we read attentively in the Scriptures that "The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man" (1Cor.11:3), we realize that the same person who has Christ as their head, is at the same time the head of the woman. Therefore, the transcendence that this location has is essential. That is to say, it is located between Christ and his wife. Not as an intermediary function, since there is only one mediator between God and man (1Tim.2:5), but as an authority.

Thus, the male has a double responsibility: first, toward his head -Christ-, and second, toward his wife, of whom he is head. How wonderful, what a privilege! To have as head our beautiful Lord and to be head of the one whom the man loves more than anyone on the earth.

In relation to the first responsibility, beginning from a deep dedication to inquire, it requires knowing and obeying Christ, the Lord. In the second situation, an effort is required to faithfully represent the desire of Him who is his head. The relationship with Christ is eminently spiritual. Christ is only seen with eyes of faith. Therefore, the basic condition is to develop a spiritual sensitivity to hear the Lord. The relationship with the wife is eminently concrete, because it requires a capacity to translate the transcendence of Christ's life in palpable and practical elements.

Responsible for what happens in the marriage

Now, returning to the scene of the Genesis and God's question, the affective load which it carries is the anticipation of an unpleasant surprise. God, strolling in the orchard in the cool air of the day, knows that something strange has happened; he looks at his surroundings and looking for man is unable to find him, because the man (male) and his wife had hidden from the presence of Jehovah (Gen.3.8). And the story, when prefixing the masculine figure in this act of hiding, reveals to us that Adam had already lost part of his male dignity. God calls, and Adam hides. Then he tries to make his wife responsible for what happened. How shameful, to hide and then accuse his wife!

What happened between the first ever couple is something very typical today, because both man and woman alike try to justify their actions by accusing the other. However, being a bond of marriage, this becomes a type of circular relationship, whereby each one is participant of what happens to the other. That is to say, one drives the behavior of the other, and vice versa.

But here God calls the male, leaving clear evidence that he is responsible for what happens in the marriage, since he is his wife's head. Again, here we face an important topic.

I would like to illustrate this with the case of a marriage where the stubbornness and refusal of the husband facilitated the wife finding understanding and affection in another person, with whom infidelity occurred. As a result, the marriage was broken and they brought out dozens of truly scandalous details where the guilt was thrown back and forth. If the woman was listened to -who was evidently in sin- while she explained her reasons and told the details of the relationship, it was in the atmosphere and desire to justify it and to excuse it by the wrong treatment she'd received.

However, she had voluntarily sinned. And, if the husband was listened to - who was obviously guilty of having broken the relationship- he felt that the woman's sin should be condemned openly. In this case, it was obvious that she had sinned and that she was responsible before God for her sin. But the husband was just as much or more responsible by reason of his wife's affective abandonment. In summary, he was responsible for his wife.

In this sense, the male's responsibility cannot be avoided. We cannot be justified in our efforts and in our reasonings; we are responsible for our wives! The man is the head of the woman, and it is he who responds for his wife.

Man's essence

Christ is man's head, and as such, to follow Christ is the way of the man. To love Christ, to obey Christ, is man's essence. Man was created for Christ, He is our head and He is our first dedication.

The Lord said: "If anyone comes to me, and does not hate his father and mother, wife... he cannot be my disciple" (Luke. 14:26). The appeal includes our wives. Does God perhaps want to separate us from our wives? No, since the commandment for the husband is: "Love your wives..." (Eph. 5:25). The important point to highlight is: "... as Christ loved the church." So it is not just any love, nor just any way, but that of Christ. He walked in love and gave himself "for us", an offering and sacrifice "to God" for a sweet smelling aroma. (Eph. 5:2.) How overwhelming! He gave Himself for us to God. Christ, our head, because of God and having His main loyalty and love to His Father, gave Himself and loved us until the end. So too the husbands, men of God, should also love their wives. To love Christ and his wife dignifies the man, but to only love his wife dishonors him.

So it seems that Adam loved his wife, but he didn't love Christ. What did Adam do to disobey the command of God and obey his wife? Some experts suggest that Adam was next to Eve when she was deceived, as the verse of Genesis 3:6 can be translated. The Scriptures don't tell us that Adam was deceived. So we can infer that his was a conscious act, that is to say, free of the dimness of the deceit, which makes him even more responsible.

To love is not to consent

Generally, what darkens the conscience are feelings. Thus, what made Adam participate of the same sin as his wife were his feelings. That unwillingness to offend her, of not causing an instance of tension and avoiding the conflict, was that which poorly prevailed in Adam. He was not a man in this. The wife is not to be loved in this way. He should have hindered his wife's action, as the responsible head, not only for transmitting the word of God, but also - with grace- of accompanying the fulfillment of it.

Today many men - good and godly men- don't dare to confront their wives for fear, for "love" and, even, so as to not hinder the sexual intimacy of the marriage. This dishonors our Head, it exposes our wives to sin and future shame. To love is not to consent. When making a small diagnosis in the churches, we can reach the conclusion that the problem is not the insurgent slandererous, quarrelsome women, but the great deficiency of true men who love Christ deeply and love their wives deeply.

So, what made Eve sin? Contrary to Adam, they were her reasonings. Paul says. "But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your minds (Greek: Thoughts) (1) may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ" (2 Cor. 11:3). Eve saw that it was "a tree desirable to make one wise" (Gen. 3:6). This idea, being apart from that of her husband, divorced and freed, allowed her mind to slip toward a fatal abyss. For this reason, our wives are commanded to submit, to harmonize (2) in everything with their husbands, in the same way as the man must do the same with his Lord. In this way, being both one in Christ, the purpose of God is completed for the marriage.

"Where are you?" This is the question. God called man in this way in Genesis and continues calling even now.

Where are you?

1 Thoughts, from the Greek, "noemata."
2 In the Greek, the word "to be held" of Eph. 5:22, referred to the women, it is "hipotaso", and it implies the idea of "to act in harmony with" or "to harmonize with" their husband.