Loving with Wisdom

Loving your wife in the proper way that corresponds.

Marcelo Díaz

On this opportunity I wanted to write to my dear Christian husbands. The way that we have taken, of serving the Lord through marriage sometimes presents certain difficulties. Paul notices this when he declares: "Such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I would spare you." (1Co.7:28). He also says: "But he that is married is careful for the things of the world, how he may please his wife" (1Co.7:33). Paul well knew that many of the things that are lived in marriage don't have a lot to do with the spirituality of the believers. To tell the truth, much of what one lives in the marriage has to do with our imperfections, with our humanity. To be fair, the matrimonial life is full of pleasing and beautiful moments close to God; but it is also surrounded by much of our carnality. It is there where what is manifested represents what we truly are.

As a brother said: "When I was single I was perfect and spiritual, but when I married I realized that I was imperfect and carnal." So, marriage is constituted as God's best instrument for showing me the weak individual that I am and how much I have to grow.

The reflection of what you are

To cultivate the matrimonial relationship is of supreme importance. Who better than your wife can say who you really are? In fact, the wife is the reflection of what you are, because the woman is the glory of man (1Co.11:7). In regard to this, an interesting quality of the original manuscripts is that in the classic Greek the word glory (doxa) means "opinion." But, in the Greek "koiné " of the New Testament it means "glory." So that, if it was classic Greek, we would have to translate "the woman is the opinion of man." Do you want to know the husband? Look at his wife.

Therefore, a brother can gain a great deal of profit from the matrimonial relationship, with your wife's help, to walk toward maturity and, by the grace supplied, develop and manifest that of Christ. However, others can wander, and sink into desperation and failure, while they find criticism and opposition in their wife. From here some bad behavior and carnal excesses arise against their wife, and, as a result, against themselves, since "he who loves his wife loves himself" (Eph.5:28).

The lordship with which some brothers treat their wife is a behavior outside of grace that only reminds us of the tragedy of sin (Gen.3:16). I have realized that, in many cases, the authoritarianism works as a defense mechanism when faced with threats; it is worth saying that the authority that some brothers show regarding their wife (who in some cases end up annulling them), has largely to do with lacking the capacity to recognize their own defects, because the wife becomes the husband's mirror.

Therefore, "to steam it up" becomes the best way of defending oneself and not seeing one's own imperfections. To do this, nothing is better than taking a few verses from the bible as a defense, which sustain such a position and give you a spiritual varnish. Brothers, this is not the Kingdom of God; it is truly carnal.

Love and delicacy

I would like to remind you, very straight-forwardly, some passages of the Scriptures to refresh our memory. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it..." (Eph.5:25).

We all know how Christ loved and loves his church. We cannot make light of the evidence of his love. What fondness, what compassion, what sweetest treatment, what tolerance, what patience! How he serves it, how he assists it, how he takes care of it, how he sustains it! What greater concern does Christ have than for his church! If we went deeper into the Son's heart, without doubt we would find a special and preferential place there for his lover. We are called to love our wives in this way. It is impossible to explain these passages in another way. This is not romanticism, this is love. Thus, the bad treatment, inattention and bad attitudes are not the behavior that the Lord hopes of us. Notice how Paul says in Colossians 3:19: "Husbands love your wives and be not bitter with them."

Doesn't this attitude refer to the delicacy with which it is necessary to treat the sisters? However, what do many do? They offend, they ridicule in public, they make their wife remain silent as though she were a badly raised daughter. Brothers, this is very bad. Christ didn't love his church in this way. It is certain that some have a wife with a difficult character, but nothing justifies bad treatment and indifference.

Knowing the feminine nature

Now I want to remind you what Peter says. (1Pet.3:7): "husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as also being joint-heirs of the grace of life..."

The word calls us to knowledge and to do this, we need to know the feminine nature. All husbands are required to make the effort of understanding what it means to be a woman. In that search, he will understand the sensibility of that which is feminine and only in this way will he be able to relate lovingly with his wife. For example, all women pass through a more sensitive emotional state in a certain period of the month, which the males should know how to bear with, since they are physiological and hormonal aspects which predispose them toward this situation. Therefore, the greatest effort should be made on the husband's part who, like Christ with his church, must welcome her with love. The commandment of walking knowledgeably appeals to our will to do these things, not to our mind or our feelings. It's emphasis is on what I want or don't want to do.

We can be sure that Peter knew his wife, and through which, inspired by the Holy Spirit, he illustrates with a simile: The feminine as the weaker vessel. The woman is delicate like a fragile vessel which is easy to break. Therefore, she must be in a place of preferential honor.

Then, he exhorts us to consider them as joint-heirs of the grace of life. Here the apostle lifts the woman to the place from where she must never fall. We know about places and cultures where the woman is just another object in the house, but look what the Lord tells us: they participate in the same inheritance of the grace of life, which implies, in practice, considering them with the same prerogatives as ours and to have them present in all moments.

Lastly, Peter closes his small speech to the husbands with a brooch of gold, "so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (1 Pet.3:7). Does that mean that our treatment with our wife has a spiritual effect in our communion with God? Yes; as the following verse indicates: "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears attentive to their prayer; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." (1Pet.3:12).

Time to restart

In consequence, we can say that he who treats his wife badly has problems with God. That is to say, he has some spiritual problem, since we are the reflection of Christ's relationship and his Church.

This happened to the males from Israel when they were presented to the altar of the Lord to leave their offerings. God didn't receive them and reproached them in the following way: "…he regardeth not the offering any more, neither receiveth it with good will at your hand.

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously, though she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant."

Do you realize, brothers, the importance that our wives have for God, and of the benefits that a good marital relationship will have? Hands to work then, because we have a lot of time ahead. It is never too late to restart and to repair errors. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favor of Jehovah." (Pr.18:22). Let us love our wives and let us walk knowledgeably with them, as faithful representatives of Christ and his church. Amen.